One of these days I’m going to write something truly life changing, something people talk about for centuries as the thing that helped them take that shift in life to become the person they were meant to be. Until then this will have to do.
This is the end for me! No don’t worry, not like that, this is the end of procrastination, of living in fear of my past and living in fear of my future. This is the end of fearing to lose my hair, of having to work harder to stay healthy, learning to enjoy the green shit and embracing the time I have left to make my mark on this world. This is the end of anger, resentment and holding grudges, no longer can I hold on to the other people’s words and actions as a means of feeling some sort of vengeance where my anger to them only affects the one whom it is coming from.
More than anything in my life I want to find out where the “Rabbit hole” goes, to me the “Rabbit” hole signifies the beginning of endless possibility, the fear of the unknown, maybe you find the monster that terrorized you in your dreams as a child, but what if you actually found what you were looking for. What if what was waiting for you was your future? Not the future you have in front of you now, but the future you were made to have from before you were born.
I long for freedom, true un-spoiled freedom, pure and light/lite, forgiveness is step one to true freedom if you are bound up by all the anger and hate and resentment this world tries to pile on then one can never truly be free, not the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich. Letting go of all of that and the stress that goes along with it is step one of the journey, the reason Buddhist monks spend lifetimes seeking “Nirvana” is in my mind them seeking complete freedom, if one can free their mind they can free anything. What is it then that keeps our minds bound to the world we see? The answer for each person is different and personal, but for me I will say so much of it is fear to do that thing I know needs to be done. To sit at the base of the mountain and admire the view, knowing full well the view from the top is so much better, laziness is also a big part of the equation, procrastination, fooling myself in to believing I have to sacrifice who I am for the greater good of my family, which is a lie by the way.
The best thing anyone can do for themselves and their families is to be the best version of themselves regardless of short term pain, I believe freedom of the mind solves so many problems in society now days, there is happiness and joy in freedom, when joy takes over it is impossible to be angry and when it is impossible to be angry it is also impossible to lose your temper at children, family, friends, etc. Not everyone has to have the perfect set of circumstances in life, very few if any do, I think of the evil done in this world and I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like going through some things we all hear and see.
But, in the end we all have a choice on how we want to live out the rest of our lives, I know this may be hard to hear, I’m going to say it anyways though, forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to let those people back in our life, forgiveness to me means setting ourselves free from hate and anger and resentment and everything else that goes along with it. It means taking the first step to being free and allowing good things back in our lives, so many times we may think that we are unworthy of being able to be free and I can tell you it is a lie the world tells to keep people from being free. I’ve come to believe that freedom has so many amazing aspects, but one of the most amazing is to no longer get caught up on those little things that divide people now days, can you imagine a world where we are so free that we actually get along again? Hate is a choice and so many times a result of not being able to forgive, forgiveness is also a choice and I can tell you right now that it is much easier to hate than to forgive and let love be the guide.
This is new territory for me, believe me, I’ve held on to all of these things for such a long time that I got used to carrying them and forgot they were there. Carrying around all that baggage, every time someone would say something I would react and right away dismiss them because I thought they were attacking those areas of pain in my life, all the while adding more baggage to what I was already carrying. Recently I’ve been writing what I am truly grateful for in life, at first it was hard, but after a little while I started to see how much I have to be grateful for, it completely took my focus from what I didn’t have to what I do and what I am grateful for now and what I will be grateful for in the future.
Life is about shifts, adapting to change and overcoming challenges, forgiveness, freedom, gratefulness, all of these are the foundation stones to living with true freedom in life, even if you think you have nothing, I promise there is always something to be grateful for.
I love you all, every one of you has the ability to become something special and achieve the greatness that resides within, a world of those truly free and reaching for their potential cannot be a bad place to live and I want to see it.